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Joke of the Day

"You're never too old to learn stupid shit."

"I only drink out of jugs labelled XXX and I carry my money in a big sack with a dollar sign on the side. Everyone thinks I'm cool as hell."

"Did you hear about the guy who's been pickpocketing midget charity workers? How could someone stoop so low?"

"I bet George Washington's favorite drinking game had to have been Quarters."

"Putting a selfie on the top of your Christmas tree... ...because you're such a f**king star!"

"What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back? A stick!"

"Did you guys hear the one about the mascara and the lipstick? The relationship was alright, but the make-up sex was amazing."

"Wtf this movie was not at all like the book! Friend: It was, are you sure you read the book? Sure I did. I read between the lines."

"Was looking at smoking pipes on Amazon & realized that CW could look at my history.So,I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats."

"My father said his Computer crashed... I asked him, what he did. ""I googled 'Malaysian Airlines'"", he replied."