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Joke of the Day

"Did you guys hear the one about the mascara and the lipstick? The relationship was alright, but the make-up sex was amazing."

"I've kidnapped 100 kids and killed 10 of them Only 90 kids can remember"

"I lost my dog and I don't know if I'll ever find him. I don't have collar ID."

"Q: How many Scorpios does it take to change a lightbulb? A: None - they'd rather sit in the dark."

"5yo: Why is he crying? Me: That's a teardrop tattoo. 5: Oh. Did he shank someone in prison? M: What? 5: Remind him I want extra guacamole."

"For Jesus this was anything but a Good Friday."

"How many kids with ADHD does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Wanna go ride bikes?"

"Why did the boy throw a clock out the window? He wanted to see time fly."

"I like that they put Bibles in hotel rooms. You never know when you're going to run into a vampire who's on a road trip."

"Jokes on you TSA my body is 70% water and I just snuck it onto the plane"