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Joke of the Day

"A Priest and a Rabbi walk by a park... The Priest turns to the Rabbi and days, ""Hey, wanna screw 'em?"" The Rabbi looks confused for a moment, and replies with, ""Out of what?"""

"SCORE! Some girl on my friends list asked me to meet her for drinks tonight! All I need to do is hit the ATM and lose 70 lbs by 8 O'Clock."

"Help me to be careful of the toes I step on today as they may be connected to the ass that I might have to kiss tomorrow..."

"Why should I submit a joke today? Because today's April full!"

"Why did the poor dog chase his tail? Because he was trying to make both ends meet."

"Where do Chinese people live? Chinatown"

"Mickey Mouse Q: What kind of mouse walks on two legs? A: Mickey Mouse Q: What kind of duck walks on two legs? A: They all do!"

"I was dropping my kids off at school when I saw a sign that said ""Watch for Children."" I'm going to miss them, but man this is a nice Rolex."

"[son at dinner] ""a boy at school sells fireworks for $2"" [to son and wife next day at breakfast] so, we'll charge $1.75 and split it 3 ways"

"Me: Did you have a shirt on when you said it? Wife: I was naked, just out of the shower. Me: And you expected me to remember what you said?"