93161

Joke of the Day

"You know, if I slouch in my chair at just the right angle, my fat rolls into a pretty impressive 3-pack'. Heck, I'm half way to sexy town "

"What's the difference between Donald Trump and a thief? Nothing."

"Whats red and smells like blue paint? Red paint"

"Today I realised I really want to tie the knot with the missus. Anyone know where I can find instructions for noose tying?"

"What does a butler call his employer named mr. Bates? Sir, you fucking pervert!"

"Just saw an advance screening of Age of Ultron. Spoiler alert: he's 47"

"My 6 year old niece told me this one. What do you call an alligator who likes to wear vests? (_) ( _)>- (_) An investigator"

"If you laid all the veins in your body end to end... you'd be dead."

"Ever been to the Tower of Pisa? the security is pretty lenient"

"How many Firefly fans disc it take to screw in a light bulb? None. The just stand around for years bitching about how it went out. EDIT: does not disc."