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Joke of the Day

"If you laid all the veins in your body end to end... you'd be dead."

"the liberal media won't report that I can easily do 100 push-ups because they are frightened"

"[My Wedding] Me: I do Guests: Awww Me: Or do I? Guests: Ooooo"

"I wasn't born with enough middle fingers to let you know how I feel."

"They say the more you drink the higher your tolerance is, but that's bullshit because my friend's an alcoholic & he still hates gays."

"""Yes, I'm still single and underemployed, but at least I'm not MARRYING CHARLES MANSON"" --women at family holiday gatherings from now on"

"Q: Where does Napolean keep his armies? A: In his sleevies!"

"If Royce Da 5'9 gave up his career in rapping.. He'd become Royce Da 9-5. ^^^^Mixed ^^^^up ^^^^the ^^^^numbers ^^^^last ^^^^time."

"I came....I saw.... I'm a lumberjack who needs to stop watching porn & get a *life*...."

"My Dad just called to give me the ""I'm worried about your drinking"" talk. We are going to meet-up and discuss it over a few beers."