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Joke of the Day

"Went by the bank today and the female teller was flirting with me which was weird considering she saw my account balance."

"What do you call a leper in a hot tub? Stew!"

"I used to be a Banker.... but then I lost interest"

"Why is North Korea horrible? Because they have no Seoul."

"*unplugs 100% charged iphone* *slides to unlock* battery 43%"

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Amanda ! Amanda who ? Amanda the table!"

"My ex can't take his new girlfriend to basketball games because she gets pissed when the whole stadium makes fun of her by yelling REBOUND!"

"[texting my girlfriend] wyd? ""Just finished my homework"" Cool, Send a pic (; ? *gf sends a nude* Ewww wtf!! i meant of your homework!"

"Baby if you were a fruit - you'd be a fine-apple. But if you were a vegetable, I'd visit you in hospital."

"Believe in yourself. Build a religion around yourself. Canonize your quotidian tasks. Build idols of yourself in your best outfits."