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Joke of the Day

"Someone gave me a star as a gift. I'm planning on sprucing it up with some planets and asteroids and using it as a summer vacation spot."

"Do you know what a Freudian slip is? It's where you say one thing but fuck your mother."

"Bjerg is so fly That he's sren"

"Parents, what's the right age to explain to a Fox News anchor that Santa isn't real?"

"My cleaning lady always leaves me a list of supplies she needs to clean the house. Not sure what she needs 20 boxes of cold medicine though"

"How do you say genius sarcastically? Apple genius."

"I like to yawn in front of people so they yawn and then I can say ""You're tired I should go."""

"A Hispanic photon walks into a bar No mas"

"What do you call a prepubescent rapist? ... a smooth criminal."

"[alternate reality] [dogs walking their humans on leashes] dog1: have u heard of upman? dog2: whats upman? dog1: not much man whats up w/ u?"