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Joke of the Day

"My cat is walking a very fine line between being cute & being sold to the Korean restaurant down the street."

"What do you call it when many people drown in Berlin? A killing Spree."

"When I see someone texting and driving I swerve my car into them and try to run them off the road cause texting and driving is illegal."

"Do poodle owners realize they just bought a dog with a shitty 1980s white girl perm?"

"People often say things in the heat of anger that in hindsight they regret not accompanying with a punch in the face."

"*throws up gang signs* ""Ew gross, I don't remember eating that."""

"Eric Garner tried stand up comedy... But he choked on stage."

"[looking up at bird sitting in a tree whilst on 1st date] ""I didn't know birds could climb trees"""

"Heaven is like arriving at Disneyland. Hell is like still being at Disneyland three weeks later."

"My father was a nun. Whenever he was up in court and the judge asked ""occupation"", he'd say ""none"". (From Blackadder Goes Forth, is this still eligible for /r/jokes?)"