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Joke of the Day

"When I see someone texting and driving I swerve my car into them and try to run them off the road cause texting and driving is illegal."

"Wanna terrify a homeless dude? Dress as a grocery store clerk and pretend to scan all the stuff in his shopping cart"

"Latvian man walk into bar with mule. Bartender say, ""Why so long face?"" Latvian say, ""I was thinking of my daughter. She has been lie with soldier for potato feed baby."""

"What's the difference between an erection and a Ferrari? [whisper] I don't have a Ferrari."

"What's the difference between a meteor and a meteorite? Ite. Sorry, a kid said this in elementary school and it was funny back then :)"

"Had an idea for a Scrabble like game where you can only use racial slurs as words. The object is to see who can out trump who."

"All I want is to live well and to die in a manner so bizarre and gruesome it can only be described with a German word."

"What if the light we see at the end of the tunnel when we die is really Us just being pushed out of a vagina into our next life?"

"I texted someone ""hell yeah,"" but autocorrect changed it to ""hell year"" because even our phones know."

"An atom asks another atom, Do these protons make my mass look big?"