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Joke of the Day

"An 11-year-old student of mine just told me this. What do you call a singing computer? Adele."

"My cat is my date and we got asked to leave the Olive Garden. Probably because she's black."

"My coworkers think I'm always busy but I'm really just trying to remember my password."

"Ah Twitter, never have so many said so much that mattered so little to so few."

"What do we want? -SHITTY MUSIC COMPILATIONS! When do we want them? -NOW! THAT'S WHAT I CALL MUSIC"

"I received 10 pounds of pot in the mail by mistake. So I did the right thing and called the police to come pick up all 4 pounds."

"I had to When my girlfriend told me to stop impersonating a flamingo I had to put my foot down"

"Never fall in love with a heroine junky. They got a lot of love, but it's all in vein."

"Last Christmas I bought my mother-in-law a Jack Daniels t-shirt having previously told me she enjoyed encounters with spirits. She looked angry and said ""I'm a medium"" Bullshit!! XXL fit her perfect!"

"What does going down on an old woman and a pork pie have in common? You have to bite the crust and lick out the jelly before you get the meaty bit."