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Joke of the Day

"Last Christmas I bought my mother-in-law a Jack Daniels t-shirt having previously told me she enjoyed encounters with spirits. She looked angry and said ""I'm a medium"" Bullshit!! XXL fit her perfect!"

"Why is the Martian on DVD So you can Bring him Home"

"Good news: I recently discovered I was interested in Necrophilia. Bad news: I'm a submissive bottom."

"During the Oscars ""In Memoriam"" my dad pointed out a lot of Jewish people had died, I told him it isn't surprising, they do tend to die all at once like that."

"Wife: Did you eat an ENTIRE half-gallon of ice cream?!?! Me: It was getting freezer-burned. W: I just bought it today! Me: Crazy freezer."

"Why was the pilot jealous of the chef? Because of his ground thyme."

"Which is Better, a Cat or a Dog House? A dog house, because a cat house has no woof!"

"How do we know that slaves went to college? They all had masters"

"The person who invented marriage was creepy as hell like hey yo I love you so much I'm gonna get the government involved so you can't leave"

"Friends are like boobs... Some are small, some are big, some are real, some are fake."