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Joke of the Day

"The reason I like Twitter is because the ladies on here LIKE being followed. Unlike like little miss restraining order down the street."

"What's better than going to Westford Academy? Going to Westford high"

"Did you hear about the man who killed 47 donkeys? I heard it was an assacre"

"What breed of dog loves to take a bath? A shampoodle"

"I lost a good friend today, he asked me to pick up some non-alcoholic beer."

"I'm going to have to rethink my time machine rental business. People keep bringing them back a day before they rented them."

"I wanna give a shoutout to the sidewalks For keeping people off the streets."

"Did you hear about that new species of mosquito? It's called the Nickelback, it really sucks."

"This venomous snake is pretty scary. What can we do to make it even scarier? Put a toy for babies on its tail. YES"

"I casually mentioned to my cat that I've petted many animals in my time, and she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said ""How many?"""