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Joke of the Day

"1: Acquire scuba gear. 2: Strap duck decoy to head. 3: Dive in local pond. 4: Enjoy unlimited free bread crumbs."

"There was a sign out at the whore house today... It read ""Temporarily closed for lunch; Beat it"""

"Why does a milking stool have only three legs? Because the cow has the udder!"

"Why is there no Windows 9? Because 7 8 9"

"Don't do the pathetic baby talk when talking to the baby. They don't understand you any better. You don't go up to a dog and start barking."

"How do you date a ghost? You 'WOOOO' him!"

"What's the best thing about Bruce Jenner? [removed]"

"How can you tell that you're getting old? You go to an antique auction and three people bid on you!"

"One of the babies on the Intensive Care Unit is playing with a toy donkey ICU baby, shaking that ass."

"""No, you hang up"" No, you hang up. ""No, you hang up"" No, you hang up. ""No you hang up"" *slams phone* Why do I keep calling that parrot?!"