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Joke of the Day

"Oh, you're talking to me again. Did you just break up with your boyfriend?"

"I have friends. By that I mean I have pictures of me standing next to people on Facebook."

"My sister is holding her baby in one hand and a cup of Starbucks in the other, I'm going to toss her phone at her to see who gets dropped."

"How many babies does it take to paint a house? Depends on how hard you throw them"

"Did you know that Native Americans were really good strippers? Every time they danced, they made it rain."

"I mean, NHL teams have father-son road trips all the time I don't think they're as common in the NBA though..."

"I'm constantly amazed that only 26 letters in the alphabet can produce so much bullshit."

"UK: We call it ""Autumn"", from the French word ""Automne"", and later, from the Latin ""autumnus"". USA: WE CALL IT FALL BECAUSE LEAVES FALL DOWN"

"Whenever I'm picking up my wife I skid to a stop by her & yell ""Come with me if you want to live!"" so she knows she married pure awesomeness"

"How many dull people does it take to screw in a lightbulb? One."