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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between a DVD player and a cow's anus? If you answered 'I don't know,' I'm certainly not letting you borrow any of **my** DVDs in the future!"

"Tell me about your time in the pornography business It's a schlong story."

"The real heroes are the people who live within driving distance of their in-laws."

"What is the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman? SNOWBALLS"

"The human liver can withstand up to 97% damage and make a full recovery. Yet not one doctor will accept this as an argument for alcoholism."

"I took the airline to court over my missing luggage. I lost my case!"

"5yo: What's a cannibal? Me: A person that eats another person. 5yo's eyes widen in horror. Me: You said cannonball, didn't ya?"

"My friend thinks he is smart. He told me an onion is the only food that makes you cry, so I threw a coconut at his face."

"I bet Abraham Lincoln would rather go watch another play than watch this debate."

"My idiot future husband is out there somewhere pushing a pull door. I just know it."