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Joke of the Day

"My idiot future husband is out there somewhere pushing a pull door. I just know it."

"Pavlov is sitting in a bar when a phone rings. He jumps of his chair and yells - ""Damn, I forgot to feed the dogs"""

"Someone wrote ""Jesus Saves"" in the bathroom stall at Walmart. Evandalism."

"If I've learned anything from the Kardashians it's that I shouldn't let my complete lack of talent hold me back."

"China recently banned girls from eating bananas on live streams... so now the people with hemorrhoids can now get off from girls eating raspberries instead."

"They say 99% of the population is stupid... I'm glad to be a member of the other 2%!"

"I'm not saying delivering a baby is easy, but I'm pretty sure all I need is a box, some tape, and a stamp."

"You can pour up to 12 bowls of salad in your sweats before they kick you out of the Olive Garden."

"What is it called when Batman leaves church early? Christian Bale."

"Safe words are for quitters."