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Joke of the Day

"5yo: What's a cannibal? Me: A person that eats another person. 5yo's eyes widen in horror. Me: You said cannonball, didn't ya?"

"How many people does it take to tell a joke on reddit? Two. One to post the joke and one to post a better punchline in the comments."

"Set of jumper cables walks into a bar... The bartender looks them up and down really slow and says, OK, I'll serve you, but don't be starting anything."

"My milkshake brought a colony of extremely aggressive fire ants to my yard. :("

"Boss: You need to work on your puncuality. Me: Sorry, but commas, are hard, to place. Boss: ....?"

"I started volunteering with children today. Should I use anti-bacterial hand gel, or is spraying them in the face with Lysol enough?"

"why did the 2016 presidential election suck? It was a real Hack job."

"don't regret doing things, regret getting caught"

"How is a push-up bra like a bag of chips? As soon as you open it, you realize it's half empty."

"What did the bird say to the other bird Bro, do you even drosophila melanogaster ?"