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Joke of the Day

"My son doesn't like spicy food. To prevent him from eating his boogers, I pour drops of Tobasco in his nostrils while he sleeps. #winning"

"I, for one, completely agree with Hitler's plan... ...to kill himself. ____________________________________ Besides, if it wasn't for Hitler, who else would we compare our enemies to?"

"Sometimes I worry that pizza isn't a real sport"

"My Sister recently started dating a depressed German airline pilot She says his personality is really down to earth."

"Someone at Sony Studios was arrested for having a bomb in his backpack. He was released after it was determined that it was the script for Ghostbusters"

"*Ouija board begins spelling* H-A-V-E_S-O-M-E ""Ooooh, spooky"" G-R-A-N-D-C-H-I-L-D-R-E-N ""Dammit Grandma, haunt someone else"""

"""You give me one leather jacket, I invest it, then give you back TWO leather jackets!"" - Fonzi Scheme"

"My daughter wants to know when the hamster we ""planted"" in the garden will start growing."

"Whars long ha nuts on either sude and has an asshole around the corner The hallway in the mental hospital i just I just escaped"

"Just got back from my wild New Years Eve outing and shoveled my parents sidewalks. 'Cause that's the way middle-aged white guys roll. Yo."