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Joke of the Day

"Hillary will be the most transparent president ever... ... because she will have every state secret sitting on an insecure server in her basement. hahahaha *cry*"

"My house looks like I'm losing a game of Jumanji."

"I basically have three hairstyles. 1. Straight 2. Wavy 3. Homeless"

"Why do they say ""character actress""? Is that to differentiate them from the all those actresses that only play walls and bits of furniture?"

"Never hit a man while he's down... Kick him, it's easier."

"You mama's so fat"

"PSA: If you're about to be arrested, climb to the roof of a nearby court. You are now 'above the law' & literally can't get in trouble ever"

"A Galaxy Phone, an iPhone and a windows phone fall out a top story window. The galaxy phone bounces with minor cracks. The iPhone smashes into dozens of pieces. The windows phone freezes mid decent."

"What's the difference between a voyeur and a thief? A thief snatches your watch."

"my love is blind :("