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Joke of the Day

"James calls a doc for help... Doctor my wife is pregnant. She is having pain right now. Doctor: Is this her first child? James: Nope. It's her husband!"

"If my guitar weeped, gently or otherwise, the song I'd write would be called, ""Holy Shit, My Fucking Guitar Is Weeping."""

"And Lord said unto John... ""Come forth and receive eternal life"" But John came 5th... He got a toaster"

"What did the dog take when he was run down? The license number of the car that hit him."

"I've never been a fan of phone sex... ... mostly because they're made out of really hard plastic."

"I hope the next Rambo movie is called 'Rambo No. 5' and its just Stallone dancing through the jungle shooting a little bit of this and that."

"Me: I should stop drinking Me: Why? Me: I dunno Me: You're awesome when you drink Me: Really? Me: Yeah Me: Thanks, me. You're alright"

"What invisible and smells like carrots? Bunny farts"

"Idk what was worse, the fact that my girlfriend text me saying ""sorry breaking up with you"" or that a minute later she text me back ""sorry wrong number."""

"Hey, maybe one time we could make a sitcom where the husband is out of the wife's league and the wife says stupid shit all the time."