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Joke of the Day

"The rose petal scene from American Beauty, but just me naked and covered in candy wrappers."

"Why do chicken coups have two doors? Because if it had four doors, it would be a chicken sedan."

"What did the radioactive sample say to the other radioactive sample? IDK."

"Tim buck two One day, my mate Tim and I went camping, we met three girls in their tent. I bucked one and Tim bucked two."

"I have a friend visiting from out of town. What's your fave place in LA to look at your phone??"

"Why are black people tall? Because their knee grows. Sorry, I had to do this."

"*seductively slides hand along store shelf to distract you* *grabs last bag of Cheetos* *tucks, rolls, and runs away*"

"Kiwis are just lemons that forgot to shave."

"Why did the black man walk backwards? I have no idea, Your Honor, but he was coming right at me and I felt my life was at risk."

"I put a huge brown paper bag over this keg. So people won't know I'm drinking at work."