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Joke of the Day

"*seductively slides hand along store shelf to distract you* *grabs last bag of Cheetos* *tucks, rolls, and runs away*"

"What is the difference between snowmen and snowwomen? A: Snowballs."

"at the grampys, about to anounce who won the grampy award. open envelope. its grandpa!!! you did it congratulations"

"Look, all I'm saying is, you never see Nikki Manaj and E.T. in the same place at the same time."

"Have you ever tried sex when camping? It's fucking intense..."

"There are 3 types of people in this world. Those who know how to count, and those who don't."

"She told me to give her nine inches and to make it hurt... So i fucked her three times and punched her in the gut."

"I've satisfied every waitress I've met... With just the tip"

"actors kiss each other for like 7 seasons and don't fall in love but when someone holds the door for me i think about it for like 4 months"

"2 drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff. Badum tsss."