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Joke of the Day

"[wife walking in the door after work] WIFE: I had just had the worst... why are our kids in the dog cage? ME: a hello would be nice."

"Why will the columbine high basket ball team lose the tournament? Because they lost their 2 best shooters"

"I'm not a bad guy! I work hard, and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I'm going to Hell?"

"There was this group on Facebook called Help the children in Africa who are suffering from the heat'. So I became a fan."

"Judging from all the misery and carnage on my newsfeed, I'm assuming it's Monday."

"Said I'd buy my son some stuffing for his pillow. He wanted to come with me. Then his sister did too So now I'm getting down with the kids."

"How's banging a fat chick like riding a scooter? They're both a lot of fun until your friends catch you."

"""Doctor, doctor! I think I'm going deaf."" ""Well, describe the symptoms for me."" said the Doctor. ""Alright,"" said the patient ""Well, Marge has blue hair and Homer's bald."""

"Just got a job opening demanding 13-18 yrs of experience in iOS development. Do they realize that the platform itself is 8 years old?"

"Earlier today at a coffee shop, I spilled my drink all over the paper I was working on. The barista looked over and said, ""Well, essay chai tea happens."""