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Joke of the Day

"Today a man knocked on my door And asked for a donation towards the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water."

"I find the biggest difference in Canada vs the US is they don't put your lids on for you at Starbucks and exponentially less gun violence."

"why do women wear make up and perfume? Because they're ugly and they stink."

"ACCOUNTANT: *taking a look at my books* These are just winky-face emojis. ME: Yep. ACCOUNTANT: I think I know why your business is failing."

"Why did the man call his horse Fleabag? Because he was often scratched!"

"@GaryDelaney: If you watch Benjamin Button backwards you won't be able to see anything as you'll be facing away from the television. -Gary Delaney"

"Free admission to Disney On Ice!! Just push your knee against your eyes and you'll get to watch This Knee On Eyes."

"Me: Got your nose! Baby: *drags from cig* Let me tell you how this is going down. You give me back my nose & maybe I let u walk out of here."

"Which member of the Bach family went to prison? Bachgen Drwg. (it's welsh)"

"If I swollow A weener whole, will it come out the same way? I feel like it would be really good if that happened."