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Joke of the Day

"Despite being brought up as a catholic, I was never molested when I was younger... ...yeah, I was a pretty ugly child."

"It's really crazy that you don't hear a round of applause every time you order a salad."

"Sometimes I wonder if the ghost in my house thinks he's being haunted by some angry, naked, drunk guy."

"What do ducks smoke? Quack!"

"Nine years ago today 19 men came to my doorstep expecting 72 virgins. Little did they know how fucked they were going to be."

"What does a clever sentry on guard duty say when he wakes up to see his commanding officer standing over him? Amen"

"How did Helen Keller break her hands? Reading road signs at 30 MPH"

"AMERICAN DIVORCE If a man and a woman get married in Texas and move to Washington are they still brother and sister?"

"I have Restless Life Syndrome."

"I'm obsessed with the earth It's like my whole world."