90319

Joke of the Day

"I watched ""The Edge of Tomorrow"" hundreds of times there seems to be an awful lot of alternative endings though."

"So TSA took a Buzz Lightyear toy off a child... I guess they thought it would say ""To infinity... and be-bombed"""

"My hard driving, asshole boss just quit the company, he announced he's moving to Taiwan! apparently he has a Taipei personality ... Sorry for the Taipo - /u/damn_wiston"

"I'll be remembering Pearl Harbor by getting bombed this evening."

"I slept with a girl who was so fat I had to roll her around in flour to find the wet spot"

"What's a fat kids favorite musical instrument? The lunch bell!"

"I'm teaching 7 it's ok for a man to cry, & it's also ok for a man to jump on a table, scream and throw coins at a spider."

"What happened when the schoool bully went netsurfing? The goalkeeper kicked him out of the football ground."

"What's the difference between a lead guitarist and a large pizza? ""A large pizza can feed a family of four"""

"I bought the wrong kind of compass. Now I'm lost in the middle of nowhere drawing perfect circles."