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Joke of the Day

"This mouthbreathing, fat creepy dude at work baked a cake and wrote, ""Eat cake if you want to be my girlfriend"" on it. I'm so torn right now"

"How do you fit five elephants into a car ? Two in the front two in the back and the other in the glove compartment !"

"If 'we are what we eat'! Then I'm a huge dick you guys. I'm really sorry"

"*makes third wish* Lastly, I want to be irresistible to women. [Transformed into really nice handbag] Dammit."

"Just remember, every day is a gift from God. Well except for Monday.. Satan slips that one in. He's a sneaky bastard."

"Why did the Mexican take his Xanax? For hispanic attacks."

"Whats the difference between a whistle and a rape whistle? one is a cockblocker"

"Why can't deer get marred? Because they can't elope"

"Heaven is like arriving at Disneyland. Hell is like still being at Disneyland three weeks later."

"Why hang Wanted posters in the post office? We're not crime-fighting crusaders. We're buying stamps."