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Joke of the Day

"Arnold Schwarzenegger glancing up excitedly and then looking away disappointedly multiple times while watching the intro to ""Hey Arnold"""

"Which came first, the chicken or the egg? Trick question. The answer is C: The farmer."

"Did you know I'm actually ambidextrous... I can actually write fuck all with both hands!"

"chuck norris went on a hike up mount st helens on may 18 1980. then he had to take a dump..."

"What did the alien say to Franz Schubert? ""Take me to your lieder!"""

"Impress your date. Be wild. Flip the table. Flip it 360 so its upright again & nothing has moved except a roll that has flown into her mouth"

"What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One's big and heavy, the other's a little lighter."

"I successfully said ""Worcestershire sauce"" today!"

"Why did no one laugh at the hot dogs joke? Because it was too cheesy. I work at a hot dog stand and tell this from time to time."

"Billy where is your homework? ""im sorry Ms. Klein my dog- *sees dog in the window make a throat cutting motion* -gone cat ate it"""