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Joke of the Day

"Billy where is your homework? ""im sorry Ms. Klein my dog- *sees dog in the window make a throat cutting motion* -gone cat ate it"""

"The more pregnant I get, the more often strangers smile at me. Why? ""Cause you're fatter than they are."""

"My man wants me to understand him better so I'm not getting my mustache waxed this month."

"95% of pet ownership is just saying ""hello"" to them in various tones."

"I never know what to do with my hands when I'm at a urinal besides flick the earlobes of the guy next to me."

"Have you heard about the Black Magic book for orphans? It's called the necro**mom**icon"

"What do you call it when the Speaker of the House is angry? .... A raging Boehner."

"If I'm ever arrested, I would use my one phone call for pizza."

"A woman cries to her husband ""honey, the fridge isn't running"" Husband replies ""Good. I'm not in the mood for fast food"""

"i like shaking hands with old guys with really tough hands because it feels like im grabbing onto a horse saddle"