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Joke of the Day

"Impress your date. Be wild. Flip the table. Flip it 360 so its upright again & nothing has moved except a roll that has flown into her mouth"

"Hard to watch The Flintstones these days... What with their drive-in movie theatres and caveman bowling alleys, it just feels so dated..."

"A reboot of Dexter, but this time he stalks and kills people who reply to a text message with a phone call"

"What did the snake say when he was offered a piece of cheese for dinner? Thank you I'll just have a slither."

"How do you get down off of an elephant? You dont. You get down off a goose."

"What's the difference between snowman and snow woman? Snowballs."

"What did the plant say to the vegan? Leaf me alone."

"Bae: come over Me: I can't, I'm hanging out with your parents. Bae: my parents aren't home. Me: I know. I just... You never listen Susan."

"boy: i wished girls liked sports girl: i like sports boy: oh yeah name the blood type of the seahawks coach from the 1990s"

"If I could make puppies and kittens magically appear, people would call me ""The Wizard of Awwws""."