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Joke of the Day

"Only 4 percent of Texas residents think there is an immigration problem... The other 96% said ""que dijo?"""

"What'd the banana say to the vibrator? Why are you shaking? She's gonna eat me."

"I can sneak in an Uptown Funk reference here. Don't believe me? Just watch."

"Total Eclipse Today I tried using a colander to view the eclipse. I think I've strained my eyes."

"""I'd like you to meet my half sister."" ""Different fathers?"" ""Shark attack."""

"I'm not a Christian... But as a gay man I wouldn't object to being nailed bloody up against some hard wood."

"i'm the kind of person who would pretend i don't know your name but actually know what you been up to for the past 5 years per facebook."

"Cat: ""What did you get him for his birthday?"" Dog: ""Pant . . . pant!"" Cat: ""Great . . . he needs a pair of pants!"""

"Finally came up with my new years resolution. I'm going to stop procrastinating!"

"Easy come, easy go describes my last 12 cases of beer and 17 relationships."