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Joke of the Day

"Donald Trump put out an ad that said, ""I can make you a millionaire in three months"" with one small caveat... Billionaires only."

"A person running around with a laptop chasing an unsecured WiFi signal looks eerily like a cat chasing a laser pointer."

"Officer: Sir, we have reports you've trained this bird to injure passersby. Me: Ridiculous! O: The pet's name? M: Paul the Attack Canary."

"[aliens talking] ""They call it a sel-fee"" A photograph of oneself? ""Sometimes several"" But why? ""We have one theory"" Go on ""They're idiots"""

"Bf and I are on 2 completely different emotional planes right now. Work faster, whiskey."

"How did the stoner propose to his girlfriend? Marriage, you wanna?"

"I'm giving up sex for Lent.. .. It shouldn't be too hard."

"Don't joke about 9/11. My father died that day. I clearly remember what the last words he said to me were. ''Allahu Akbar''"

"What's the biggest Jewish conundrum? Free Bacon!"

"Did you hear Jurassic World got shut down? Apparently they found a crisp rat in the kitchen!"