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Joke of the Day
"I can sneak in an Uptown Funk reference here. Don't believe me? Just watch."
Next Joke
"Conan: Texas recently had 9 earthquakes in a day. But don't worry: Scientists are hard at work figuring out exactly what God was angry about"
"Whoever smelt it, dealt it So technically officer, that weed is yours."
"Sarah Palin being on a climate change panel with Bill Nye is like Sarah Palin being on a climate change panel with Bill Nye."
"The time traveler made a poor taste gag about the atrocities of World War 3..... Everyone agreed, it was too soon."
"[Enter your password] Secret [Password must be 6 characters] Secrete [Password disgusting but accepted]"
"I'm going to throw an awesome surprise party for my daughter when she gets home and realizes I know that she snuck out! SURPRISE!"
"ALBUS: Got Dementors to protect Hogwarts this year. They suck souls out! Indiscriminately! KIDS: ... STAFF: ... ALBUS: I can't control them."
"What's the worst thing your wife can say during sex Honey I'm home"
"What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other? A speech impediment."