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Joke of the Day

"Twelve years ago today, my brother gave me one of his kidneys. I still can't believe that he did it. I wasn't even sick."

"What does DNA stand for National Dyslexia Association."

"What do you call an all you can eat pizza buffet? Carb Blanche!"

"*walks into work 20 minutes late* *boss glares at me* ""Sorry. Traffic."" *boss gestures to my Starbucks cup* ""Oh this? I found it."""

"My wife was out of town, so I had to run the morning routine by myself today. I learned a lot. For example, apparently I have two kids."

"Which Disney character is Trump's favorite? WALL-E"

"COP: Do you realize you were speeding back there? ME: Can you be sure it wasn't just the planet slowing down? COP: I'm listening"

"Mountains aren't just funny.... They're hill-areas!"

"Did you hear about the guy who accidentally took a ride on a dolphin? He's not sure if he did it on porpoise."

"A child asks his dad... Child: ""Dad, how high is that building?"" Building: ""If I'm already built, why am I called a building?"" Dad: ""Pretty damn high."""