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Joke of the Day

"COP: Do you realize you were speeding back there? ME: Can you be sure it wasn't just the planet slowing down? COP: I'm listening"

"What starts with an A and has a boom at the end? Allahu akbar"

"DESPERATION is exactly what I look for in a woman."

"Sorry I'm shit faced Why did the midget go swimming in the kitchen? There were microwaves. Sorry I was drunk making popcorn."

"Mom 1: My son's gonna be a pro baseball player Mom 2: Mines gonna be a doctor Me: My son shows strong signs of being able to escape prison"

"Sam: Welcome to Multiple Personality Club. Sam: No one else is here. Sam: You're here. Sam: I'M YOU, STUPID! Sam: OK EVERYONE CALM DOWN!"

"Someone gave Chuck Norris the finger. He still has it."

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Ben and Anna! Ben and Anna who ? Ben and Anna split!"

"A boy and his pal A pedophile and a little boy are walking through the woods at night. The boy says, ""Mister, I'm scared."" The pedophile says, ""You're scared? I'm the one who has to walk home alone."""

"I looked up ""my future as an electrician"". It was very bright."