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Joke of the Day

"Newspapers The paperboy didn't deliver my newspaper this morning, so I snuck next door and took the neighbours. In hindsight, kidnapping might have been a little excessive"

"Things to get done: Make coffee, Drive a train high on cocaine, Rent a lion to eat my neighbor's dog, clean up mess from that lion thing."

"Looking for jokes about Boy Bands!!! Hosting a sing-a-long drink-a-long and need some jokes with boy bands as a theme. Please help!"

"WALKING DEAD JOKE (Harsh) I was going to say a compliment about beth but i'm afraid it would go strait to her head."

"How do you circumcise a Trump supporter? Kick his sister in the jaw."

"[2 dead cats on ground] Cat Detective: Curiosity killed them but how...*dies* ~later~ [3 dead cats on ground] Cat Detective II: How di...*dies*"

"What's green, has four legs and would kill you if it fell out of a tree? A pool table"

"I have the eyes of a hawk, the ears of a fox... and a lifetime ban from the zoo."

"I heard Anheuser Busch is sending 9 truckloads of canned water to the areas affected by Hurricane Matthew. Who knew there was such a demand for Bud Light after a disaster?"

"When I was young, you could go into a corner shop with 1 and come out with 2 cokes, 3 Freddos and a magazine. Nowadays, there's CCTV everywhere."