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Joke of the Day

"Before their conflict with the Decepticons, the Autobots won a much less interesting but emotionally charged war against the Emoticons."

"In a survival situation, you can drink your own urine. Fortunately, my Wi-Fi came back on just as I was filling the can."

"My 4-year-old thinks the 5-second rule means she can eat anything off the floor if she waits 5-seconds first. That M&M was from last Easter."

"What's the best angle to tackle a problem? The try-angle"

"when you move to a new town everyone wants to date you because they don't know you're a piece of shit yet. i highly recommend it."

"""The 59th rule of Fight Club is, we cant park in the lot on Vermont anymore - The owner is being a jerk. Just find street parking. 60th..."""

"I renamed my night club Viagra... It's been 4 hours and people are still cuming!"

"I asked a librarian About some books about Pavlov's dogs and Schroedinger's cat. She said it rings a bell, but doesn't know if it's here or not."

"What's the difference between Peter Parker and Basic White Girls? Parker gets paid for his selfies."

"""I need to find somewhere to park,"" I told my wife. ""What about over there?"" she said. ""I can't,"" I replied, ""It says between 1 and 9 only."" ""Well, why is that stopping you?"" ""I'm 23."""