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Joke of the Day

"I asked a librarian About some books about Pavlov's dogs and Schroedinger's cat. She said it rings a bell, but doesn't know if it's here or not."

"What do you get when you cross a sheltie and a cantaloupe? A melon collie."

"We woke up to a noise. I grabbed a bat. He grabs a can of body spray. ""Really? Gunna make this burglar irresistible to women huh?"""

"FACT: You are having a birthday because Chuck Norris decided to let you live another year!"

"Why can't Spongebob make the honor roll? Because he's a C sponge!"

"CARPET SALESMAN: [sighing, handing me another sample] What about this one for your bedroom? ME: Hmmm no that one is also far too small"

"Just explained the Higgs Boson to my friend even tho I don't understand it. He was very convinced. I bet this is how religions get started."

"How did the autistic boy survive his jump from a plane? He was retarded"

"I bet when the first guy wore glasses everybody was like ""Oh la de da, excuse me Mr. I Need TWO Monocles."""

"Marriage is like fruit Honeydew this, Honeydew that..."