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Joke of the Day

"I don't know why they are called smart phones, I dropped mine in the toilet and it didn't even try to get out."

"I came home from work early today and caught my daughter masturbating with a cucumber ""That's disgusting"" I said, ""I'm meant to be eating that tonight, now it's going to taste like salad."""

"What do you get when you cross a genius with a hooker? A fucking know it all!"

"Hostess: enjoy these complimentary after dinner mints Mints: you have beautiful eyes Me: [blushing] wow they're very complimentary"

"Why is it so hard for men to get on Christian Mingle? Only women get a ""SUBMIT"" button."

"I secretly like days when none of my facebook friends have birthdays."

"What would BuckWheat from Little Rascals be called if he were a Muslim? Kareem of Wheat."

"What do you call a black man flying a plane? A pilot, you racist fuck"

"One time I wanted to get a job as a gynecologist.... Unfortunately, I couldn't find any openings....."

"What do women and noodles have in common? They both wiggle when you eat them."