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Joke of the Day
"What do women and noodles have in common? They both wiggle when you eat them."
Next Joke
"If this whole twitter thing doesn't work out, we can all get jobs writing for a company that makes mildly disturbing fortune cookies."
"My boss thinks being gay is a disease so I called in queer this morning. But I reassured him that I should be straight again by tomorrow."
"Donald Trump wants to ban selling pre-shredded cheese... ...he says it will make America grate again."
"If you are going to send me boob pics, try and save them in the right image format. As a Nerd it's a major turnoff to get a .bmp"
"Got so high last night we searched for my friend for half an hour while he helped us look"
"[Sky-diving] INSTRUCTOR: pull your shute! ME: my shoe? INSTRUCTOR: your parachute! ME: my pair of shoes? [later] CORONER: where's his shoes?"
"snapchat conversations are hard because eventually you just run out of selfie poses so you end up taking pictures of the couch or something"
"What would you say about someone who li kes to tell cancer jokes? That he has a sense of tumor (Courtesy of twitter.com/sorryforthelolz)"
"Hoarding's great. Collectively speaking."