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Joke of the Day

"I want to watch a porn where both people scream out lengthy Starbucks drink orders when they orgasm"

"A world without women... A world without women could be a real pain in the ass."

"You can be anyone you want on twitter, so I'm a little surprised so many guys chose ""creepy weird dude."""

"I wrote ""except zombies"" on my welcome mat so I know I'll be safe during a zombie apocalypse."

"Do you know what a sex stone is? It's just a fucking rock."

"What is the difference between a golfer and skydiver? A golfer goes *whack* ""damn"" and a skydiver goes ""damn"" *whack*."

"How do old people check up to see how their friends are doing? They look in the obituary"

"I studied abroad the first semester of my junior year Then she closed her blinds"

"I want to be rich enough to leave the house-sitter notes like: ""If the cheetah looks bored, jog him on the treadmill. He can watch Friends."""

"I wanted to learn how to drive a stick shift. But I couldn't find a manual."