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Joke of the Day

"You can be anyone you want on twitter, so I'm a little surprised so many guys chose ""creepy weird dude."""

"A ghost walks into a bar ""Sorry sir"" the barmen says, ""We don't serve spirits after eleven"""

"You've just made a very lazy enemy my friend."

"Damn girl, you remind me of my mother! /* indistinguishable sobs *"

"[Interrupts the wedding vows] it's open bar right?"

"According to Einstein's theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can actually roundhouse kick you yesterday."

"Me: promise you won't show anyone? Him: promise *sends pics H: that's pics of fruit snacks M: you said you wanted pics of my goods"

"I like my women like I like my Building 7. Going down for no reason. That's a conspiracy reference that 9 out of 11 people don't get. It's an inside joke."

"If I can make you laugh with a Facebook Status... Imagine what I could do if we met at a bar."

"If a woman is in the woods, with no male around Will she still complain?"