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Joke of the Day

"Build a man a fire and he'll be warm for a day... Set a man on fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life."

"Despite constantly dropping the ball... Gravity is pretty reliable"

"If it's one thing I hate, it's an Indian-giver... No, I take that back."

"Did you hear about the terrorist attack in France last night? The police say the guy was not motivated, but other than that, all they know is that he wasn't very Nice"

"I keep an extra stash of tampons in my purse to launch at blowhards who punctuate the end of their sentence with the word, ""Period!"""

"Some say youth is wasted on the young, I say wealth is wasted on the old. Also Oxycontin."

"Why did the human cross the road? Because his dick was stuck in the chicken."

"I would complain about the siren of an ambulance even if I was in the back of it."

"A termite walks into a bar and asks ""Where is the bar tender?"""

"A little Harry Potter humour... How did the witches and wizards in the Alzheimer's ward refer to Voldemort? You-knew-who"