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Joke of the Day

"Why is a giraffes neck so long? Because the head is so high up."

"Mute goes to a wedding... After the ceremony he won't let go of his dick and everyone's a little put off by his public display. With his free hand, he signs ""Speak now or forever hold your peace""."

"What do you call a round knight? Sir Cumference"

"As I stood there looking at my naked body in the mirror, I thought to myself ............I'm gonna get thrown out of ikea in a minute.."

"Did you hear the one about the wooden car? With the wooden wheels? And the wooden engine? .... it wooden work"

"Why did God invent shopping carts? To teach women how to walk on their hind legs."

"Why do the Lannisters have such big beds? Because they like to push two twins together to make a king. (Game of Thrones ref)"

"I love that all the Catholics are easy to single out today. Can't believe no one's tried publically marking people by religion before."

"My favorite part of Thanksgiving day is when I stuff the Bird. My wife enjoys it too but wishes I'd find another nickname for her lady parts."

"*gets pulled over by police* *shows a little skin* Officer: ""Who's skin is that? Please step out of the vehicle sir."""