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Joke of the Day

"I invented a new word! Plagiarism."

"Someone that knows three languages is multilingual. Someone that knows two languages is bilingual. So what do you call someone that only knows one language? An American."

"The Hydrogen + ion got into a fight with the Hydrogen Oxide - ion online The H + called the OH - too basic and the OH - called the H+ to acidic."

"[i get a phone call] ""Hi we'd like to talk to you about your tweets"" ME: Wow thank you but I don't do interviews ""This is the police"""

"Life is basically one long, terrible date with yourself."

"Attention r/Jokes! Will the real Steven Hawking please stand up?"

"What do you call a stoner that complains about luck? A Hearthstoner"

"I've got butterflies in my stomach... That's the last time I eat a cocoon."

"It's not so much that I love karate as it is that I hate boards."

"What did the judge ask when he went to the dentist? Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth?"