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Joke of the Day

"I normally don't drink, but last time I did I woke up next to my grandmother I still don't know how I got 6 feet under ground."

"Telling people my costume is Obama's birth certificate. If they say I have no costume, I fucking explain the facts to that racist fuckbag."

"Why did Arnold Schwarzenegger inspire George W Bush to become president? A: Because he could explain the Bush administration's positions on civil liberties in the original German!"

"Did you hear about the guy who went to the convention of legless women? He heard the place was crawling with pussy."

"What's it like to go down on an ewok? It's alright, they're just a little chewy."

"What do nazi's use to clean their yard of dog shit? The Turd Rake."

"Folks call me a stillborn egg Cause' I'm never getting laid!"

"Boss: Read me one of your funny tweets Me: Not right now I'm working Boss: Bahahahaha tell me another one"

"Did you hear about the dumb father who got up and struck a match to see if he had blown out the candle?"

"My wife depleted the power on my phone when I needed it the most. Yet I'm the one who is charged of battery..."