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Joke of the Day

"Boss:my office, now! Me:*to myself* dont be about Twitter dont be about Twitter B:we've had a sexual harassment complaint M:Oh thank God!"

"Two things you can always be certain about when it comes to women: 1) They're always cold. 2) It's somehow your fault."

"A dung beetle walks into a bar. He says, ""Is this stool taken?"""

"What do you call a tree that hates this joke? A face palm."

"What do you need to teach a blonde who never had an accident in 20 years? Second gear."

"*I cycle off mt Rushmore and fall to my death but my bicycle lands on the end of Lincolns nose and makes a perfect pair of reading glasses*"

"i just want someone to love me as much as sean penn loves haiti"

"Why did the man call his horse Fleabag? Because he was often scratched!"

"Still trying to convince my boss that I'm just using beer-flavoured toothpaste."

"Why did the baker have brown hands? Because he needed a poo. (As in, kneaded a poo.)"