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Joke of the Day

"I became a proud father today He just turned four, but he was a boring little shit the first few years."

"A neutron walks into a bar... and inquires how much a drink costs. The bartender replies, ""For you? No charge."""

"To celebrate Star Wars we baked some ""Wookie Cookies"". They were a little on the Chewy side."

"Why did Berlusconi go to the Costa Concordia? To see the Gash"

"Arguing on the internet is like competing in the Special Olympics Even if you win, you're still fucking retarded."

"Boob Size Grades A ---> Almost Boobs B ---> Barely there C ---> Can't Complain! D ---> Damn! DD ---> Double damn! E ---> Enormous! F ---> Fake G ---> Get a reduction!"

"I hate it when I try to impress a date by taking her to a nice restaurant and she orders something that isn't on my coupon."

"A parrot named Nigel leaves home and returns home,4 years later, speaking Spanish It's pretty common, all the language majors I knew moved back in with their parents too."

"Lee was born without legs, but he was incredibly determined to finish the triathlon. Slow Lee but sure Lee."

"What do the Russians use to film their war with Isis? Daeshcams"