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Joke of the Day

"TIFU by crashing my airplane I had forgotten to turn off my cell phone :("

"What do people and jellybean have in common? No one likes the black ones"

"The homeless problem would be solved if. . . . . the Big Issue had tits in it."

"What's black and blue and red all over? The dress"

"Jewish woman why do jewish women only sleep with jewish men? they wont touch anything that isn't 5 percent off."

"What did one TCP packet say to the other TCP packet? 0x809ACC0E!"

"Dermatologist asked why I want my tattoo removed and looked at me like no one's ever said ""because it's my ex's Twitter handle"" before."

"I recently learned diarrhea is genetic... Yeah, it runs in your genes."

"What did 1 volcano say to another volcano? That ash."

"I get my exercise by running and jumping over the light beam before my garage door closes on me."