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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a girl with two dicks right by her face? Cockeyed. Thought of this one in LA traffic! Hope I made it up..."

"America was not shut down properly. Would you like to restart America in safe mode, with free healthcare & without the guns? (Recommended)"

"What's the worst thing about eating vegetables? Putting them back in the wheelchair when you're done."

"What did Jay-Z call his girlfriend before getting married? Feyonce"

"What is Mr. T's favorite month? April, fools"

"What's the hardest thing about skateboarding? Telling your parents you're gay."

"Wanna hear an embarrassing story about the time I forgot something important? I forgot the punchline. Sorry, I haven't been this embarrassed since that one time."

"The Chicago Cubs"

"Vacuumed a section of carpet 20 times before I realized I was trying to clean up a patch of sunshine. Intellectual powerhouse. Right here."

"George Michael was upset to find he had let a chocolate bar melt in his pocket It was just a careless whisper"